The Moonlit Path

Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro have recently conducted an interview this past weekend answering questions and revealing details about The Hobbit and the un-named second prequel that is due to be released in 2011 and 2012. For those of you interested in reading the exciting confirmations they have made, you can link to the complete transcript here. These movies are going to be awesome and I can't wait! Enjoy!

Coldplay has recently announced a North American release date of June 17th for their new album Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends and have made the first single, Violet Hill, available as a free download at their official site Coldplay.com. Unfortunately, due to an unanticipated overload of traffic, there has been a tremendous amount of download problems. If you are experiencing such problems or delays downloading their new song, you may download the new single by clicking on a direct link to the file I have made here. Pressing on, Violet Hill is a slight departure from their previous releases and features noisier guitars and a stomping drum beat that one can envision as a great show opener. As a highly devoted fan of the group's music, at first listen I would have to slap myself by honestly saying that I was underwhelmed, uninspired and unimpressed. But, after the second or third time around, the song has definitely grown on me and I have come to appreciate the refreshing change of pace that is a precursor for what's to come. Let's hope the rest of the album stays with us long after the last note fades out.

"My brain says I'm receiving pain, a lack of oxygen, from my life support, my iron lung." -Radiohead

About ten days have passed and I find myself awkwardly restructuring every routine that I have grown so accustomed to in order to recondition my daily life into this new, almost alien-like, way of living. I am slowly peeling away from something that was such a big part of my life--something after years and years had become so normal to me, second nature if you will. I did not realize how taxing this would be to me mentally, however I will note that it has become less and less demanding as days continue to pass. While the sun still rises and falls valiantly with the moon against the horizon and the world around me resumes itself in perfect harmony, my body does not--it lays still, frozen within a zone of discomfort and dumbstruck at the realization that I do not know what to do with myself during long periods of passing time. There was a moment the other day just after I had gotten myself dressed for work that I sat in my chair for an entire hour, staring at a blank wall trying to figure out what I should be doing. Almost everything that I have done up until now has been associated with smoking in one way or another and there is a challenge in filling that absence with something else "healthy." I am hoping that sudden urges or peaks of high stress will not get the best of me and I realize this will take some time to finally master. Fortunately it seems that I have more than enough of it.

Often times I think about things that could have been. Questions such as why am I here? and Am I missing out on something? occasionally surface when I am contemplating about such aspects of my life. This perpetual quest to find some sort of meaning to my existence is unremitting. No, my life is not filled with ornate luxuries, a wall full of admirable trophies or an abundance of wealth in which I am able to expend on society's more extravagant expenses, but does that really measure the quality of life I have lived and am living? Recently, I have self-examined myself and have mused over the many "things" that have brought me happiness, both genuinely and superficially. After much brooding, I have concluded that I have repeatedly searched for happiness and meaning in all of the wrong places. Perhaps when I am much older, when I may have fine-tuned this idea of mine--that true happiness comes not from material possessions and the things that I own, but from the abundance of experiences that I have lived through, the lessons I have learned, the wisdom I have passed down to others (knowingly or unknowingly) and with whom I have shared them with--can I truly be absolute in saying that I have found the reason by which I exist; an eternal place of my own in this life alongside the infinite number of those who are searching for the same truth. In the meantime, I can only live for the now, be happy for what I do have, appreciate the people among my small circle of friends whom encompass me and share in my experiences, and just expect that tomorrow will bring the unexpected. As Christopher Johnson McCandless has written in his journal:

"The Joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

True happiness is to live, to be and to closely share it with others, nothing more. It is all the seemingly small things that make it all so worthwhile.

Every Saturday night, almost religiously for the last several weeks, Robbie, Vivien and I gather at my house for good company and Absinthe. One of the great things about ingesting this once illegal substance is that it always invokes very vivid, psychotropic-like dreams. Once I am wide awake, my dream usually begins to fade unless I immediately write it down. I am then left with only fragments of the experience which is both frustrating to remember and somewhat unsatisfactory. I decided this morning that I should begin documenting my dreams so that I could later analyze them in hopes that it might reveal some profound insight into my life, or perhaps I will come to a conclusion that they are just a series of random and meaningless visions that entertain me while I sleep. Whatever the case, I suppose they still remain to be interesting stories to tell.

Note: The dream in which I am about to tell will mention the names of several people; their stories and how they relate to me in real life will not be fully explained. I am just documenting this experience for myself and not necessarily telling a full-blown story.

"As soon as I get my head round you, I come around catching sparks off you, I get an electric charge from you, that second hand living it just won't do, and the way I feel tonight, I could die and I wouldn't mind, and there's something going on inside, makes you want to feel, makes you want to try, makes you want to blow the stars from the sky, I can't stand up, I can't cool down, I can't get my head off the ground."

-"Head On" by the Jesus and Mary Chain

Last night's dream begins with a group of friends. Robbie, Vivien, Erika, Jacob and I are walking through a parking lot as we leave a local bar after getting absolutely plastered. Jacob had just finished saying goodbye to someone he had known. As soon as that person was no longer around, Jacob then began to make weird hand gestures; it was somehow his way of non-verbally explaining to us how lame that person was when they are drunk. I then remember that he has to work very early the following day, but he was now too drunk to do so. I turn to him and tell him that he better start calling people and get that shift covered because there was no way I was going to go in for him. I am not sure if he was even able to reach anyone that late at night. Luckily, Erika suddenly decides to be the nice one and volunteer herself to cover for him since she was not as drunk as he was. Jacob suddenly disappears from my dream and Erika leaves as well since she now has to work the next day. The rest of us make plans to clean out my closet in the morning. I believe we were going to sell whatever stuff I did not want at some garage sale that we also were planning to have. Robbie, Vivien and I are instantly transported to some room that supposedly was mine, but obviously did not look at all like what my room looks like in real life. Without having any idea just before, I suddenly am expecting Monica to come over and join us. When she arrives, I see her strutting down the hallway and as soon as she makes her first step through, the song "Head On" by the Jesus and Mary Chain begins to play as if it were her theme song from a movie soundtrack. We all start to talk again about our plans to clean out my closet. Supposedly I had helped Vivien do hers the week before and now they were going to return the favor and help me. All of a sudden we decide that we are hungry for fruit. We begin to talk about apples and oranges and pears and I tell them that there is a place I know of where I have taken some before from people's gardens when they are not at home. I realize by this time that Robbie is no longer in my dream and I remember later that he had gotten tired and decided to go to bed. Vivien and I decide that we should be the ones to gather the fruit. Suddenly we are transported outside and are walking down the side of the street. Monica by this time is also no longer in my dream. I am not sure when and where she went, but I recall later that she had stayed behind and was waiting for our return back in my room. I remember looking at a blue dumpster parked on the right side of the street as if I were in some familiar place, but I cannot seem to recollect where I have seen it before and why it was so memorable. Perhaps I will have Déjà vu and experience being in the same place again sometime in my waking life. Suddenly as if we were in a movie, my dream fades into the next scene and Vivien and I are now arriving in front of a row of houses in which we are to "steal" the fruit from. We walk to one particular house which had a couple of pillars in the front where the patio was. It was a humongous white Victorian mansion. For some reason I somehow knew that the owners were not home. I think we walked in through the left side of the house where a huge garden resides. In the middle there was a magnificent tree that resembled the White Tree of Gondor as it starts to finally grow again at the end of The Lord of the Rings. We go around to the surrounding trees and begin to pick apples, oranges, pears and bananas off of them until our arms could not possibly hold on to any more. We then walk over to the side against the wall of the mansion, sitting down upon a patch of un-mowed grass, and begin to eat the fruit. We were eating mostly pears, which was really weird because I am not too fond of pears. They are delicious but there is something about the texture that I just do not like. Another strange thing was that these pears unexpectedly had the texture of apples which is probably why I liked them so much in the dream. We suddenly get startled by a noise coming from the front of the house that sounded like the rustling of leaves. Vivien and I both stand up in synchronicity thinking that we might have sat there a little too long and that it was now time for us to start heading back. We both nervously peer out towards the front expecting to perhaps see something or someone. I then begin to look at all the windows on the neighboring mansion to my right and in one particular window I notice that there is a curtain that is shaped as if two hands were spreading them open. I take another look and focus intently on the window and realize that there is a face there with bulging eyes staring at us. At first I think it is some terrifying demon but later I realize it is some woman thickly covered in one of those green mud masks glaring at us from what must have been her bathroom window. In a strange slow motion sequence I turn and start to yell "Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!" Vivien, on the way home, keeps constantly asking all panicked like "Is she there? Is she there?!? Where is she?!?!?!" We both run as fast as we can as if our lives had depended on it and as we get closer to my house we both start to laugh hysterically at ourselves and the situation we were in. We barge inside the house, throwing the front door open and slamming it closed, into my room and collapse to the floor sweating profusely and trying to catch our breaths. I don't remember dropping the fruit, but we somehow lost them along the way back. Monica suddenly appears in front of us as if she had been with us the entire time and we begin to tell her the story. I remember taking her through every step in detail, even mimicking with my own hands how the curtain had looked using my window. She gasps and says, "Oh my God, that is so scary" in that "Monican" way of hers. We then decide to go to bed and make plans to have breakfast together in the morning. I suddenly remember waking up in the bed with Robbie in real life half-dreaming thinking to myself, we need to wake up now so we can go have breakfast with Vivien and Monica. I fall back asleep and my dream continues: I am waking up and Vivien is suddenly gone. I think she might have gone home sometime in the middle of the night. Monica and I start to get dressed so that we can go somewhere and get breakfast. We begin to talk about toast, omelets, linguiça, chorizo, marmalade and hashbrowns smothered in ketchup. Just thinking about it now is making me so hungry. Immediately we are transported to another place. We are at a Starbucks and we see Erika working behind the counter helping customers. It is unfortunate that she could not join us for breakfast. We say hello but she does not seem to see us. Suddenly, Monica disappears from my dream and I am now in another house. Again, it is my house but it is not the same place I was originally at in the beginning of my dream. This house seems very new and very bright. It was a place that seemed as if it were bought with a significant amount of wealth. I enter a room full of children and now with me is Larisa, Nikki, Erika, Alfie and Vivien. I suddenly think to myself that I need to wake up Robbie so we can go and have breakfast. I realize that I may have to wait since it seems as if some sort of birthday party is being held in my house, but I do not know whose. The room is all of a sudden decorated with a variety of balloons and we are all playing with them, fascinated by the different shapes they have come in. There were big ones, small ones, round ones, elongated ones and ones that have been decorated and crowned in fancy tinsel like material. As I am playing with the balloons, Larisa begins to take pictures of us with all the children. She begins to call my name until finally she has my full attention. She suggests that I pose for the camera as I play with the balloons. Two kids suddenly walk toward me, both holding onto a clear, glass bowl which they hold in the center between them. They set it down in front of me and Larisa strangely suggests I stand on the rim of the bowl. I stand on it and I again start playing with the balloons but I tell her how stupid this is and to just take my picture doing something naturally. Carol all of a sudden appears, says hello to me and then asks if Larisa is being her crazy self again. I say yes in absolute annoyance and I tell her about the idea she had just come up with concerning her picture taking and wanting to pose me standing on a glass bowl. Suddenly, I wake up thinking to myself I need to write down this incredibly ridiculous dream so that I will remember it. After recording the events of my dream onto my computer, I lie back down on my bed and wake up Robbie. He turns, looks at me and squints his eyes half-sleepily and I ask him, "Want to go get some breakfast?" He extends his body to its full length, lets out a creaky stretching noise and says, "Yes."

The following two computer-generated cinematics were created by Monty Oum--whom in his quest to practice his advanced skills in animation and become a master at it--has developed an original series that has fused the world of Dead or Alive and Final Fantasy together in an all out war! Fans of Final Fantasy will definitely appreciate what he has brought into these films. I don't want to reveal any spoilers but rest assured that you are in for a real treat. The running series, which has been planned to spawn five sequels, so far features characters from Final Fantasy VII, VIII, X & X-2 and the Kingdom Hearts series. If you are a hardcore Final Fantasy fan like I am, I can guarantee "geekgasms" and goosebumps when you witness spells such as Slow, Haste, Gravity, Tornado, Blizzard, Fire and Thunder being unleashed, not to mention special moves and Limit Breaks. My only wish is to see at least one Summon in one of the future installments. Part three in the series is currently in production so, until then, enjoy! For the lack of better words, these films are just pure awesomeness!

A particular car commercial featuring a cat infuriated animal activists and animal rights groups around the world and was boycotted from ever reaching public television in the United Kingdom where it was originally set to air. Although it was never shown on television, the ad traveled the world as an inadvertently released internet viral advert. However, a tamer ad featuring a pigeon was aired for a short run before it too was protested. This is the reason why foreign commercials will never be aired in America. There is a remarkable difference in ideas to what is socially acceptable and media friendly here in the US compared to other countries around the world. Just a warning to those who are sensitive to the treatment of animals, these advertisements (particularly the "cat" ad) are sick and twisted.

I stumbled upon this video on the internet made by Arman Noory, a high school student in Canada. The short film, made for a Politics class assignment, is a significantly powerful, although somewhat humorous, commentary on the war in Iraq and terrorism using a combination of edited scenes from an 80's porn, political video documentaries, news footage, clips from the Creative Commons Library and funny home-made voice overs. More importantly, it examines and dissects the current state of the nation and delves deeper into the understanding about what real pornography is. In his own words he says:

"My goal was to have a video in contrast to the one-dimensional views we are fed by the media on everything surrounding the war on terror, from the history of US intervention in the Middle East to the economy and compromises to liberty, incite all forms of emotions from the viewer within the 15-minute timespan (sexy, funny, depressing) while still being entertaining and educational."

It is projects like these--using the internet to spread a message that Bush and other officials don't want us to hear--that has given the government a new interest in regulation, and their new target for war is the internet. They know that they must keep us in a perpetual state of fear in order that we be easily contained and controlled. They already think that the internet is becoming the next "public enemy." It is a relief that rebellion is what youth is all about. They don't make high school kids like they use to. We may have a future after all.

And yet another night of restlessness drags on. It seems strange to me that time is not flying by like it normally does. Perhaps it is the lack of not knowing what to do with myself. Everyone is at the Bistro, and like a typical Tuesday night, I am here at home all by my lonesome. I just finished my routine workout--my body still "high" from the endorphins coursing through my veins--and I cannot seem to find anything to occupy me in this energized state. On the other hand, I feel almost paradoxical in the fact that I want to do something, yet I really feel the need to just sit here and relax at the very same time--do nothing at all if possible. Suki and Atrus are staring at me, relentless in their meows. I guess that is one thing I can go do--feed the cats. Funny how Atrus, with his own bowl full of food, likes to stick his head into Suki's bowl while she eats, wondering if her food is better than his.

What to do, what to do...

I just finished reading Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. Although I don't want to make this any kind of book review, I would like to say that it has been quite an exceptional read. Mr. Sheff provocatively takes you through his harrowing experiences as a parent with a drug-addicted son. I could not help but be thoroughly absorbed, finding his story dramatically riveting and searingly honest as he weathered his grief and worry onto paper while watching Nic, his son, deteriorate. At the same time his writing could be found quite therapeutic and highly informative for those who are suffering from similar situations. It has brought many things into perspective and has even given me a bit of insight into my own past addictions. I can admit that by the end of the book, my eyes had begun to well up in tears, crying for a father, a son, their family, their friends and everyone else who had been caught up in the midst of such a traumatic journey that was both unrelenting and unpredictable. David Sheff illustrates views from both himself and his son, and for this I could say that the grass is not at all greener on the other side--it is ravaged and desolate, overrun by despair, anguish and ruin. Now that I have completed Beautiful Boy, I can begin reading Nic Sheff's Tweak, a memoir of his experiences through these trying times. Nothing here is more concise than when Jasper, Nic's younger brother, explains in his own words what he thought addiction meant. "It's like in cartoons when some character has a devil on one shoulder [...] and an angel on the other."