The Moonlit Path

Sometimes it seems as if there is nothing more physically and mentally demanding than getting out of bed. In fact I was quite surprised that I even got to work on time considering I only had three hours of sleep (two hours uninterrupted.) It was one of those mornings when the constant buzzing of your alarm clock goes in one ear and out the other; it wakes you up momentarily, but only enough for you to turn it off with one swift push of a button. The memory of it is always so unclear and no matter how hard you try, you never really seem to recall waking up at all. Luckily after passing out for another forty-five minutes, my body was suddenly startled in some urgent frenzy to check the time as if some inner subconscious voice was yelling at me to get up. The fuzzy glare of light emanating from my phone's display screen is quite blinding when it is the very first thing you see after your eyes have adjusted to the blackness of the back of your eyelids. After a few seconds of adapting to the dark, I realized I had exactly ten minutes to brush my teeth, wash my face, do my hair and get dressed in some sort of reasonably professional manner in order to get myself to work on time. It is times like these that your heart begins to beat a million times a minute due to the fact that you are trying to do everything all at once and you constantly swear to yourself and out loud because every tiny obstacle presents itself whether it is a cat walking in your path or whether you just can't seem to get one arm inside the sleeve of your shirt. I don't know how, but I did it. I arrived at work just in time with even a couple of minutes to spare. The rest of the day flew by faster than I thought it would, even though I felt brain dead for most of it.

I have been trying to read Veronika Decides To Die by Paulo Coelho but I cannot seem to get into it. The synopsis is very interesting, but as soon as I start reading, it becomes almost a chore. I think perhaps I just need to be in the right state of mind. For the last month I have been trying to find something else to read in its place but after several attempts to uncover a new book at the local bookstores, I always end up leaving empty handed. Until today, I thought I would have to wait until Scott Heim's new book We Disappear was released in order to satiate this compelling urge to find and read another good book. (His previous works, In Awe and particularly Mysterious Skin, are both emotionally complex and works of genuine beauty.) As I sat down this morning eating Kashi Go Lean cereal (what people at my work like to call a bowl full of cardboard) during my lunch break, I noticed a hard bound, plain white covered promotional copy of a book sitting at the edge of my desk with big and bold lower case letters that read Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. Seeming as I had nothing else to do in the next thirty minutes, I picked it up and started reading. I read the first introductory pages and I was suddenly engrossed in this powerful story that was beginning to unfold. According to the quick synopsis, it is about "a father's journey through his son's meth addiction." Even as my break ended, I could not stop and put the book aside without forcing myself. I was anxious and excited to have finally found a new book to satisfy this sort of need to read. I later found out that David Sheff's son, Nic Sheff, also wrote a book called Tweak which is a memoir of his experience during those trying times. Beautiful Boy will not be released to the public until Tuesday, February 26th so I went ahead and ordered both books on Amazon.com. I guess I could have easily waited four more days for the actual release date to pick them up at my local bookstore, but I figure I can wait. Next week will be another busy week for me with more meetings and promotional set-ups to complete. In the meantime I can finally take that bookmark out from page eleven and give Veronika a chance to rest. I can't remember how many times I have gone through her initial suicide and I think I would like to wait a long while before I go through it again.