The Moonlit Path

Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro have recently conducted an interview this past weekend answering questions and revealing details about The Hobbit and the un-named second prequel that is due to be released in 2011 and 2012. For those of you interested in reading the exciting confirmations they have made, you can link to the complete transcript here. These movies are going to be awesome and I can't wait! Enjoy!

Coldplay has recently announced a North American release date of June 17th for their new album Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends and have made the first single, Violet Hill, available as a free download at their official site Coldplay.com. Unfortunately, due to an unanticipated overload of traffic, there has been a tremendous amount of download problems. If you are experiencing such problems or delays downloading their new song, you may download the new single by clicking on a direct link to the file I have made here. Pressing on, Violet Hill is a slight departure from their previous releases and features noisier guitars and a stomping drum beat that one can envision as a great show opener. As a highly devoted fan of the group's music, at first listen I would have to slap myself by honestly saying that I was underwhelmed, uninspired and unimpressed. But, after the second or third time around, the song has definitely grown on me and I have come to appreciate the refreshing change of pace that is a precursor for what's to come. Let's hope the rest of the album stays with us long after the last note fades out.

"My brain says I'm receiving pain, a lack of oxygen, from my life support, my iron lung." -Radiohead

About ten days have passed and I find myself awkwardly restructuring every routine that I have grown so accustomed to in order to recondition my daily life into this new, almost alien-like, way of living. I am slowly peeling away from something that was such a big part of my life--something after years and years had become so normal to me, second nature if you will. I did not realize how taxing this would be to me mentally, however I will note that it has become less and less demanding as days continue to pass. While the sun still rises and falls valiantly with the moon against the horizon and the world around me resumes itself in perfect harmony, my body does not--it lays still, frozen within a zone of discomfort and dumbstruck at the realization that I do not know what to do with myself during long periods of passing time. There was a moment the other day just after I had gotten myself dressed for work that I sat in my chair for an entire hour, staring at a blank wall trying to figure out what I should be doing. Almost everything that I have done up until now has been associated with smoking in one way or another and there is a challenge in filling that absence with something else "healthy." I am hoping that sudden urges or peaks of high stress will not get the best of me and I realize this will take some time to finally master. Fortunately it seems that I have more than enough of it.

Often times I think about things that could have been. Questions such as why am I here? and Am I missing out on something? occasionally surface when I am contemplating about such aspects of my life. This perpetual quest to find some sort of meaning to my existence is unremitting. No, my life is not filled with ornate luxuries, a wall full of admirable trophies or an abundance of wealth in which I am able to expend on society's more extravagant expenses, but does that really measure the quality of life I have lived and am living? Recently, I have self-examined myself and have mused over the many "things" that have brought me happiness, both genuinely and superficially. After much brooding, I have concluded that I have repeatedly searched for happiness and meaning in all of the wrong places. Perhaps when I am much older, when I may have fine-tuned this idea of mine--that true happiness comes not from material possessions and the things that I own, but from the abundance of experiences that I have lived through, the lessons I have learned, the wisdom I have passed down to others (knowingly or unknowingly) and with whom I have shared them with--can I truly be absolute in saying that I have found the reason by which I exist; an eternal place of my own in this life alongside the infinite number of those who are searching for the same truth. In the meantime, I can only live for the now, be happy for what I do have, appreciate the people among my small circle of friends whom encompass me and share in my experiences, and just expect that tomorrow will bring the unexpected. As Christopher Johnson McCandless has written in his journal:

"The Joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

True happiness is to live, to be and to closely share it with others, nothing more. It is all the seemingly small things that make it all so worthwhile.

Every Saturday night, almost religiously for the last several weeks, Robbie, Vivien and I gather at my house for good company and Absinthe. One of the great things about ingesting this once illegal substance is that it always invokes very vivid, psychotropic-like dreams. Once I am wide awake, my dream usually begins to fade unless I immediately write it down. I am then left with only fragments of the experience which is both frustrating to remember and somewhat unsatisfactory. I decided this morning that I should begin documenting my dreams so that I could later analyze them in hopes that it might reveal some profound insight into my life, or perhaps I will come to a conclusion that they are just a series of random and meaningless visions that entertain me while I sleep. Whatever the case, I suppose they still remain to be interesting stories to tell.

Note: The dream in which I am about to tell will mention the names of several people; their stories and how they relate to me in real life will not be fully explained. I am just documenting this experience for myself and not necessarily telling a full-blown story.

"As soon as I get my head round you, I come around catching sparks off you, I get an electric charge from you, that second hand living it just won't do, and the way I feel tonight, I could die and I wouldn't mind, and there's something going on inside, makes you want to feel, makes you want to try, makes you want to blow the stars from the sky, I can't stand up, I can't cool down, I can't get my head off the ground."

-"Head On" by the Jesus and Mary Chain

Last night's dream begins with a group of friends. Robbie, Vivien, Erika, Jacob and I are walking through a parking lot as we leave a local bar after getting absolutely plastered. Jacob had just finished saying goodbye to someone he had known. As soon as that person was no longer around, Jacob then began to make weird hand gestures; it was somehow his way of non-verbally explaining to us how lame that person was when they are drunk. I then remember that he has to work very early the following day, but he was now too drunk to do so. I turn to him and tell him that he better start calling people and get that shift covered because there was no way I was going to go in for him. I am not sure if he was even able to reach anyone that late at night. Luckily, Erika suddenly decides to be the nice one and volunteer herself to cover for him since she was not as drunk as he was. Jacob suddenly disappears from my dream and Erika leaves as well since she now has to work the next day. The rest of us make plans to clean out my closet in the morning. I believe we were going to sell whatever stuff I did not want at some garage sale that we also were planning to have. Robbie, Vivien and I are instantly transported to some room that supposedly was mine, but obviously did not look at all like what my room looks like in real life. Without having any idea just before, I suddenly am expecting Monica to come over and join us. When she arrives, I see her strutting down the hallway and as soon as she makes her first step through, the song "Head On" by the Jesus and Mary Chain begins to play as if it were her theme song from a movie soundtrack. We all start to talk again about our plans to clean out my closet. Supposedly I had helped Vivien do hers the week before and now they were going to return the favor and help me. All of a sudden we decide that we are hungry for fruit. We begin to talk about apples and oranges and pears and I tell them that there is a place I know of where I have taken some before from people's gardens when they are not at home. I realize by this time that Robbie is no longer in my dream and I remember later that he had gotten tired and decided to go to bed. Vivien and I decide that we should be the ones to gather the fruit. Suddenly we are transported outside and are walking down the side of the street. Monica by this time is also no longer in my dream. I am not sure when and where she went, but I recall later that she had stayed behind and was waiting for our return back in my room. I remember looking at a blue dumpster parked on the right side of the street as if I were in some familiar place, but I cannot seem to recollect where I have seen it before and why it was so memorable. Perhaps I will have Déjà vu and experience being in the same place again sometime in my waking life. Suddenly as if we were in a movie, my dream fades into the next scene and Vivien and I are now arriving in front of a row of houses in which we are to "steal" the fruit from. We walk to one particular house which had a couple of pillars in the front where the patio was. It was a humongous white Victorian mansion. For some reason I somehow knew that the owners were not home. I think we walked in through the left side of the house where a huge garden resides. In the middle there was a magnificent tree that resembled the White Tree of Gondor as it starts to finally grow again at the end of The Lord of the Rings. We go around to the surrounding trees and begin to pick apples, oranges, pears and bananas off of them until our arms could not possibly hold on to any more. We then walk over to the side against the wall of the mansion, sitting down upon a patch of un-mowed grass, and begin to eat the fruit. We were eating mostly pears, which was really weird because I am not too fond of pears. They are delicious but there is something about the texture that I just do not like. Another strange thing was that these pears unexpectedly had the texture of apples which is probably why I liked them so much in the dream. We suddenly get startled by a noise coming from the front of the house that sounded like the rustling of leaves. Vivien and I both stand up in synchronicity thinking that we might have sat there a little too long and that it was now time for us to start heading back. We both nervously peer out towards the front expecting to perhaps see something or someone. I then begin to look at all the windows on the neighboring mansion to my right and in one particular window I notice that there is a curtain that is shaped as if two hands were spreading them open. I take another look and focus intently on the window and realize that there is a face there with bulging eyes staring at us. At first I think it is some terrifying demon but later I realize it is some woman thickly covered in one of those green mud masks glaring at us from what must have been her bathroom window. In a strange slow motion sequence I turn and start to yell "Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!" Vivien, on the way home, keeps constantly asking all panicked like "Is she there? Is she there?!? Where is she?!?!?!" We both run as fast as we can as if our lives had depended on it and as we get closer to my house we both start to laugh hysterically at ourselves and the situation we were in. We barge inside the house, throwing the front door open and slamming it closed, into my room and collapse to the floor sweating profusely and trying to catch our breaths. I don't remember dropping the fruit, but we somehow lost them along the way back. Monica suddenly appears in front of us as if she had been with us the entire time and we begin to tell her the story. I remember taking her through every step in detail, even mimicking with my own hands how the curtain had looked using my window. She gasps and says, "Oh my God, that is so scary" in that "Monican" way of hers. We then decide to go to bed and make plans to have breakfast together in the morning. I suddenly remember waking up in the bed with Robbie in real life half-dreaming thinking to myself, we need to wake up now so we can go have breakfast with Vivien and Monica. I fall back asleep and my dream continues: I am waking up and Vivien is suddenly gone. I think she might have gone home sometime in the middle of the night. Monica and I start to get dressed so that we can go somewhere and get breakfast. We begin to talk about toast, omelets, linguiça, chorizo, marmalade and hashbrowns smothered in ketchup. Just thinking about it now is making me so hungry. Immediately we are transported to another place. We are at a Starbucks and we see Erika working behind the counter helping customers. It is unfortunate that she could not join us for breakfast. We say hello but she does not seem to see us. Suddenly, Monica disappears from my dream and I am now in another house. Again, it is my house but it is not the same place I was originally at in the beginning of my dream. This house seems very new and very bright. It was a place that seemed as if it were bought with a significant amount of wealth. I enter a room full of children and now with me is Larisa, Nikki, Erika, Alfie and Vivien. I suddenly think to myself that I need to wake up Robbie so we can go and have breakfast. I realize that I may have to wait since it seems as if some sort of birthday party is being held in my house, but I do not know whose. The room is all of a sudden decorated with a variety of balloons and we are all playing with them, fascinated by the different shapes they have come in. There were big ones, small ones, round ones, elongated ones and ones that have been decorated and crowned in fancy tinsel like material. As I am playing with the balloons, Larisa begins to take pictures of us with all the children. She begins to call my name until finally she has my full attention. She suggests that I pose for the camera as I play with the balloons. Two kids suddenly walk toward me, both holding onto a clear, glass bowl which they hold in the center between them. They set it down in front of me and Larisa strangely suggests I stand on the rim of the bowl. I stand on it and I again start playing with the balloons but I tell her how stupid this is and to just take my picture doing something naturally. Carol all of a sudden appears, says hello to me and then asks if Larisa is being her crazy self again. I say yes in absolute annoyance and I tell her about the idea she had just come up with concerning her picture taking and wanting to pose me standing on a glass bowl. Suddenly, I wake up thinking to myself I need to write down this incredibly ridiculous dream so that I will remember it. After recording the events of my dream onto my computer, I lie back down on my bed and wake up Robbie. He turns, looks at me and squints his eyes half-sleepily and I ask him, "Want to go get some breakfast?" He extends his body to its full length, lets out a creaky stretching noise and says, "Yes."

The following two computer-generated cinematics were created by Monty Oum--whom in his quest to practice his advanced skills in animation and become a master at it--has developed an original series that has fused the world of Dead or Alive and Final Fantasy together in an all out war! Fans of Final Fantasy will definitely appreciate what he has brought into these films. I don't want to reveal any spoilers but rest assured that you are in for a real treat. The running series, which has been planned to spawn five sequels, so far features characters from Final Fantasy VII, VIII, X & X-2 and the Kingdom Hearts series. If you are a hardcore Final Fantasy fan like I am, I can guarantee "geekgasms" and goosebumps when you witness spells such as Slow, Haste, Gravity, Tornado, Blizzard, Fire and Thunder being unleashed, not to mention special moves and Limit Breaks. My only wish is to see at least one Summon in one of the future installments. Part three in the series is currently in production so, until then, enjoy! For the lack of better words, these films are just pure awesomeness!

A particular car commercial featuring a cat infuriated animal activists and animal rights groups around the world and was boycotted from ever reaching public television in the United Kingdom where it was originally set to air. Although it was never shown on television, the ad traveled the world as an inadvertently released internet viral advert. However, a tamer ad featuring a pigeon was aired for a short run before it too was protested. This is the reason why foreign commercials will never be aired in America. There is a remarkable difference in ideas to what is socially acceptable and media friendly here in the US compared to other countries around the world. Just a warning to those who are sensitive to the treatment of animals, these advertisements (particularly the "cat" ad) are sick and twisted.

I stumbled upon this video on the internet made by Arman Noory, a high school student in Canada. The short film, made for a Politics class assignment, is a significantly powerful, although somewhat humorous, commentary on the war in Iraq and terrorism using a combination of edited scenes from an 80's porn, political video documentaries, news footage, clips from the Creative Commons Library and funny home-made voice overs. More importantly, it examines and dissects the current state of the nation and delves deeper into the understanding about what real pornography is. In his own words he says:

"My goal was to have a video in contrast to the one-dimensional views we are fed by the media on everything surrounding the war on terror, from the history of US intervention in the Middle East to the economy and compromises to liberty, incite all forms of emotions from the viewer within the 15-minute timespan (sexy, funny, depressing) while still being entertaining and educational."

It is projects like these--using the internet to spread a message that Bush and other officials don't want us to hear--that has given the government a new interest in regulation, and their new target for war is the internet. They know that they must keep us in a perpetual state of fear in order that we be easily contained and controlled. They already think that the internet is becoming the next "public enemy." It is a relief that rebellion is what youth is all about. They don't make high school kids like they use to. We may have a future after all.

And yet another night of restlessness drags on. It seems strange to me that time is not flying by like it normally does. Perhaps it is the lack of not knowing what to do with myself. Everyone is at the Bistro, and like a typical Tuesday night, I am here at home all by my lonesome. I just finished my routine workout--my body still "high" from the endorphins coursing through my veins--and I cannot seem to find anything to occupy me in this energized state. On the other hand, I feel almost paradoxical in the fact that I want to do something, yet I really feel the need to just sit here and relax at the very same time--do nothing at all if possible. Suki and Atrus are staring at me, relentless in their meows. I guess that is one thing I can go do--feed the cats. Funny how Atrus, with his own bowl full of food, likes to stick his head into Suki's bowl while she eats, wondering if her food is better than his.

What to do, what to do...

I just finished reading Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. Although I don't want to make this any kind of book review, I would like to say that it has been quite an exceptional read. Mr. Sheff provocatively takes you through his harrowing experiences as a parent with a drug-addicted son. I could not help but be thoroughly absorbed, finding his story dramatically riveting and searingly honest as he weathered his grief and worry onto paper while watching Nic, his son, deteriorate. At the same time his writing could be found quite therapeutic and highly informative for those who are suffering from similar situations. It has brought many things into perspective and has even given me a bit of insight into my own past addictions. I can admit that by the end of the book, my eyes had begun to well up in tears, crying for a father, a son, their family, their friends and everyone else who had been caught up in the midst of such a traumatic journey that was both unrelenting and unpredictable. David Sheff illustrates views from both himself and his son, and for this I could say that the grass is not at all greener on the other side--it is ravaged and desolate, overrun by despair, anguish and ruin. Now that I have completed Beautiful Boy, I can begin reading Nic Sheff's Tweak, a memoir of his experiences through these trying times. Nothing here is more concise than when Jasper, Nic's younger brother, explains in his own words what he thought addiction meant. "It's like in cartoons when some character has a devil on one shoulder [...] and an angel on the other."

As much as I love the rain, somber skies and winter's cold fury, I think now I am ready for a little sunshine. I was dismayed this morning to find out my new car was dripping wet, drenched and dirty from last night's rain. After a week of warm weather, who would have thought this would happen--overnight even. California weather is consistently unpredictable. I have been outside for the last half hour or so watching monolithic stratocumulus clouds reeling in from the west with the bitter chill of the wind cutting through the flesh of my face like jagged, virtual razorblades. Even as I am garbed appropriately in a fairly thick sweater with the hood draped over my entire head, I cannot help but allow my body to shiver, uncontrollably and seizure-like. At work, at least during the last several days previous, the sun rising in my direct view and beaming blindness into my eyes had been a welcomed annoyance. The warmth has been refreshingly invigorating and I never thought I would ever say this, but I cannot wait for summer, when my body is sweltering and hot bands of heat is permitting half-nakedness around the house and preparing me for the beach. Even as I say this I am laughing to myself, knowingly when the time finally comes, I will probably have already thought differently. But until then, winter's overlong reign has overstayed its welcome.

My 2005 ION Redline was beginning to get on my nerves. While it was an "okay" car in general, it heavily fell short on looks, personality and sense of overall connection.

I officially emerged yesterday a proud owner of a 3-door "Twilight Blue" 2008 Saturn Astra XR, a replica of a European designed hatchback from GM's subsidiary company, Opel. At first glance I fell in love, but I did not know how much I really was in love with it until after driving around in it for more than a few miles today around town. Although the interior design comes with a little European quirkiness, the overall look, drive and feel of my new Astra has overwhelmed me with some strange connectedness that I have never felt with any other car I have ever owned. I find it somewhat odd yet highly satiating. I also admit that the sleek and sexy exterior has drawn a lot of attention, provoking passer-bys to turn their heads asking themselves: What kind of car is that? or That's a Saturn?, and it feels great. Until my car begins to blend into normal traffic as "just another car on the road," I am very much enjoying people staring at my Astra.

Well known for his thought-provoking images, M.C. Escher was a master of creating works of art that defied the mathematical relationships between architectural shapes and the spaces in which it pervaded. Echochrome takes this idea of distorted perception and fuses it into a unique and optically illusive puzzle game for both the Playstation 3 and PSP, allowing you to control the visual perspective of a series of intricate platforms in order to guide a humanoid figure safely across various obstacles and to specific locations. There are five "perspective laws" in which you must adhere to in order to successfully advance through the stages of the game:

1. Perspective Traveling - When two separate pathways are meshed together as one, then they are one.

2. Perspective Landing - When one platform appears to be above another, then it is above another.

3. Perspective Existence - When a gap between two platforms is blocked by another structure and the pathway seems to be connected, then they are connected.

4. Perspective Absence - When a hole in the platform is hidden from your view, then it does not exist.

5. Perspective Jump - The humanoid figure will only jump onto the surface above it, even if it only "appears" to be above it.

It sounds simple and while there is no set pathway for any level, you will soon realize that such things are easier said than done and this game will eventually consume you with challenges that will leave your mind numb and utterly perplexed.

Echochrome is slated to be released in Japan on March 19th. A U.S. release date is still yet to be determined. You may download a demo of the Japanese PSP version by clicking here. You will be opted to open or save the file. Once you have chosen, simply extract the contents of the zipped document onto your computer, certifying that the extracted folder does not contain any sub-directories. After you have extracted the necessary folder, simply connect your PSP into your PC using a USB cable, remembering to switch your PSP into "USB Mode." Move the folder into the "PSP/GAME/" directory of your PSP's removable memory drive. Once you have finished, disconnect and start your game from the Memory Stick. Once you are in-game, pushing the "X" button will speed up time, while the "triangle" button will "pause" your game, allowing you to think of a solution. A few tutorials will help you understand the basics before you are on your own. Enjoy!

I always wanted to be an Astronaut when I was a kid. I had a growing fascination for space and humankind's collective desire to explore the unknown. I would stare into the sky for countless hours at night, mesmerized by the otherworldliness that somehow felt so close yet so far away. The millions of stars spangled in the sky were like tiny pinholes upon a sheet of black construction paper draped above the quiet suburb where I had lived, hiding undiscovered secrets behind its total blackness. Almost every evening, probably since I was ten years old, I would direct these fixations into the open expanse of the universe above and wonder, sometimes out loud, whispering softly: is there anybody out there? And often times I would answer myself: there must be.

The first time I had actually seen some sort of alien-like phenomenon was when I was twelve. I remember while staring into the sky one summer evening as I was playing with a handful of robot action figures on my front porch, a bright ball of light appeared slightly above where the sky abruptly hits the horizon. The oval shape radiated brightly in the distance and hovered in a particular spot for at least five minutes. The brightness fluctuated as it stood suspended in mid-air until finally it drifted sideways, a few feet to the right and then disappeared. At first perhaps I thought it might have been an airplane or some sort of military aircraft, but a few seconds later, a second light appeared in the same exact place the previous light was and once again slowly drifted to the right and disappeared. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew what I saw was not "natural"--and it terrified me. I ran in the house throwing my Transformers into a pile on the ground, slamming the door behind me and headed straight for my parent's room. My mother, laying on her side underneath a thin blanket and eating soft batch cookies from a package of Almost Home, was hypnotized by the television set and immersed in an episode of Jeopardy. "Who is--hey, stop running in the house!" she yelled, looking at me in that firm parental scowl. I nodded submissively while catching my breath and slipped under the covers next to her in comfort that she would protect me. I never said a word about what I saw, not to her or anyone else for that matter.

Until I was about nineteen or twenty, I would wake up from mid-sleep to visions of grey, shiny-skinned figures with triangulated faces, bright hospital-like lights and strange noise that resembled whispers and clanking of metallic "tools." During that period of my life I was thoroughly convinced I had been abducted by alien life-forms--probed, tested and experimented on--until I came to the realization that those horrifying visions were just interpreted hallucinations from a disorder I had been suffering from called Sleep Paralysis.

As an adult, my condition has significantly diminished to once or twice a month, and even though I know exactly what it is that I am facing, I still frighten myself on occasion. To this day I continue to lose myself in the night sky, contemplating the possibilities of whether there is some sort of intelligent life-form existing beyond the infinite boundaries of the universe. While there is no physical evidence, I cannot deny the feasibility of such a thing. If we humans are here today in this world, intelligent as we are, it would be arrogant and ignorant of us to think that we are the only ones. If we are here now, then so are they (wherever they may be.)

Nine Inch Nails just recently released an awesome online exclusive 36-track album that features instrumental music that takes the band across a variety of new terrain. Now that they are no longer constrained by the contractual agreements of a record label, they are offering the first volume of the new album, Ghost I, as a free mp3 download (sans-drm and fully tagged) available at various bit torrent sites. You can also visit their official website at ghosts.nin.com for various download packages including the free Ghost I, Ghost I-IV for five dollars, a ten dollar 2XCD set and a seventy-five dollar deluxe edition package that includes 2 CD's, a DVD and a Blu-Ray disc featuring the album in high-definition sound with an accompanying slideshow. Bringing the listener back to the importance of musical content, rather than lyrical, the music is less ambient and more of a mid-90's wave of moody, layered and repeated fragments similar to the sounds of Trent Reznor's earlier work. The mood here is melancholy, with layers of screaming distortion knocking on spiritual doors while not fully blowing them wide open. It flirts here and there with pulsating and stuttering drum beats, but mostly is entirely held together by the sway of piano keys, even if by the thinnest of threads.

Long meetings do not normally faze me. The first half always seems to be very exciting and often times quite motivating, and it is not unusual for my energy level to diminish almost instantaneously immediately after a great lunch. In most cases I can press on and get through the last half, especially if I already feel as if I have taken away valuable information, new perspectives and a sense of empowerment over the lessons being taught and the knowledge being shared. After a lengthy and drawn-out eight hour session today, I have returned with the notion that although the intentions were to develop our leadership skills and our ability to coach others "effectively," I did not unearth anything I did not already know, and from my understanding, I can speak the same for several of my peers. Perhaps I am in the wrong for not taking the information for what it was: a review if nothing else and not for anything more. Granted it was a nice break from the sometimes monotonousness of my daily grind, I feel as if that amount of time could have been better spent. The first thing I did when I got home was head straight for the bathroom, and even that felt more worthwhile.

I have been listening to the Cocteau Twins non-stop the past two days and I feel as if I have rediscovered one of the greatest bands of my lifetime! I cannot help but reminisce. I can remember all of the times Julie and I have driven around in her car listening to them even if we had no real destination; sometimes half-intoxicated, sometimes not, but always having a spiritual experience. She'd wave her hands around gracefully, intertwining and encircling one another in dance, and sometimes I would join her. I also use to sneak into her room to join her every time I heard her playing them on her vintage record player, as she often did when I blared them on my cheap twenty dollar portable stereo which I rigged to output the audio through one of my practice guitar amps because the speakers had been blown out, the result of playing my music way too loud on such a small system. We would sit there hypnotized by the music, smoking cigarettes and conversing about deep philosophical sentiments that we had about the world around us, recent events from our daily lives or just random chit chat. I also remember the time we had seen them in concert together. She dropped acid that night, or perhaps had taken mushrooms, and consequently had to ride back home on her then boyfriend, Ryan's, truck-bed in the cold of the night from San Francisco all the way to the southern part of the East Bay. It's amazing how listening to music can bring back many recollections of one's past, however big or small they may be. I haven't kept in touch much with Julie since she married and had her baby, and I miss her company and all the incredible moments we had shared together. She will always hold a special place in my heart.

The list of reasons why I like to smoke is quite long, but the reasons why I should stop is even longer. Upon further absorption of such thoughts this past week I have emerged strong and fully prepared to extinguish that flame. I have tried before and have failed with the realization that I was not ready to make that change, nor was I willing. But today I can truly say that this battle will soon come to an end and my victory will be absolute. After careful consideration, I have come to an understanding that I will need enough time to prepare myself mentally and physically, anticipating every possible repercussion that may take place. My date is set! On April 14th, the day after my birthday, I am going to quit smoking--cold turkey! You think I can do it? I know I can!

I am being consumed by manifestations of some insatiable craving for something sinfully sweet during this late hour of the night and I think I am driving myself crazy. I have been walking in and out of the kitchen, almost obssessive-compulsively, opening the refrigerator and cabinet doors only to stare at the open packages of candy, chocolate and Oreo cookies. I gape over it in hopes that perhaps it will be enough to appease this hunger. My eyes dart back and forth toward the Oreos and then to the jar of chunky peanut butter and then back again. Together in a pool of milk they are heaven! I feel almost like Louis from the Interview with the Vampire whom is challenged with the duality of his undeniable appetite for human blood opposed by his retained compassion for the people around him. I want it, almost need it, but I know I shouldn't. One bite will lead to (too) many. Despite having cooked up a fantastic dinner of curried vegetables and a pan-seared steak of tuna, this sudden desire is almost physically overwhelming and hard like a thrust to the gut. I think I will just go to bed to soften the blow. Sugar is pure "eee-vul!"

I enjoy cooking and often times enjoy making up recipes from ingredients that I may have lying around the kitchen. A few of my friends have been asking me for the recipe for my Spicy Shrimp Jambalaya, so I've decided to post it here on my blog so that they could easily look it up at home. The recipe is fairly simple and is a great dish on its own or as a side dish with baked salmon, the way I like to eat it. I hope those of you who haven't tried it will be willing to check it out, and I would love to hear any comments you may have. Oh, and just a warning, this dish is fairly spicy!

1 pound medium sized shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 teaspoon garlic salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
6 cloves garlic, chopped
2 stalks celery, split and chopped
1/2 large onion, chopped
4 tablespoons chopped cilantro
1 large tomato chopped
5 ounces chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
2 cups cooked white rice (or brown rice)

Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat and add butter. Sautee 3 cloves of chopped garlic in butter and oil then stir in shrimp and cook for about 4 minutes.

Immediately add celery, onion, tomato, cilantro, salt, pepper and chipotle peppers. If you want to reduce the "heat" of the dish, you may want to omit an ounce or two of the chipotle peppers or perhaps just use the adobo sauce it was in. Stir until completely incorporated, cover and cook for another 10 minutes.

Add rice and the remaining cloves of chopped garlic and let cook for another 5 minutes. Adjust seasoning to taste and serve in a bowl or on a plate as a side dish. Quick and easy. Enjoy!